Sunday, April 29, 2012

Seizures, Scissors, and Coupon Blogs

Hi.  I just had a seizure, oh, about an hour ago (have I mention before that I have seizures?  That's something I do).  And now I'm writing on my blog.  I'm sure this will go swimmingly.  All day my cats have been behaving badly.  They probably sensed that their human was going to fall down and flop around a bit and they were nervous and resentful about it.  Cats have a sixth sense about these things.  I like to tell people that I am a mover and a shaker.  Because I move and shake.  Muahahahahah.  Get it?  I know.  Bad joke.

So I was cutting all the coupons out of the Sunday paper and I started to feel bad--really, really bad.  I thought, you should probably put these scissors down because if you have a seizure while you are holding scissors, it will be a bad thing.  You could put an eye out.  And as cool as it would be to wear an eye patch or (even better) a monocle, it would probably hurt to stab yourself in the eye.  So I put the scissors down.  And then I seized.  And then I tried to call people.  I think I left a few indecipherable messages on a few friends' voicemails, but who remembers that sort of thing?

Have you ever noticed that almost every coupon blog has a Christian theme to it?  There are all these nice, well-organized Christian ladies writing about couponing and budgeting.  And I am obsessed with reading their blogs.  Some of them even jump into dumpsters so they can get extra papers for more coupons.  It's amazing.  I love it.  I love these crazy coupon ladies.  I want to give them all hugs.  Someone should start an atheist coupon blog or even a pagan coupon blog.  I don't think the world is ready for a Satanist coupon blog, but that is a thought for the future.