Monday, July 25, 2011

My Kitten is Trying to Build a Meth Lab in My Apartment

This is Gracie.  She looks innocent (actually, she looks kind of drunk here), but she's not.  

This is Heisenberg.  He runs a meth lab.  He is Gracie's hero.

I can't believe I didn't know before now, but I guess I was too caught up with first, finding a job, and then, working at that job to notice that Gracie had a problem.  I guess staying home sick was a blessing.  I was lying in bed, and I noticed that Gracie kept trying, over and over again, to steal my decongestants.  Why would a cat want decongestants?  She didn't have a cold.  I had a cold.  But then it dawned on me.  What do you use decongestants for when you don't have a cold?  You use them to make meth.  My cat is a meth addict, y'all.  My cat is trying to build a meth lab in my apartment.  And, even though the managers were totally cool about me having cats, I don't think they'd be cool with me having a cat-built meth lab.  I think I'd definitely get kicked out for that. 

So I've been trying to talk to Gracie about the dangers of meth and what it will do to her pretty face and how if she keeps using she'll end up having sex with losers just to get her next high, but she just looked at me and then went over to her kitty cube and pushed it across the floor.  I can't get through to her.  I also tried to upload her picture to one of those little pages that shows your face on drugs (sort of like the one that will make you into a zombie), but they kept saying they couldn't find a face.  She totally has a face, though!  It's just a cat face.  So I tried to photoshop a meth face on her, but I'm not too good at photoshop.

If anyone has any way of getting through to an angry kitten who's in denial, tell me.

1 comment:

  1. Hilarious! I keep envisioning your cat in one of those police mug shot comparison sites that show the before meth and after meth shots. Everyone knows cats have faces. They're what they use to stick in yours when they want to eat at a cruel 3AM.